Sunday, August 14, 2011

Comfortably Numb

When I got home from my lovely vacation full of drama and booze my parents tried one last attempt while i was still living at home to get me sober and took me to yet another psychiatrist and tried a few more medications but none worked.  I continued to drink and do drugs and a few days before my 18th birthday I was kicked out of the house. My meth addiction was raging and my parents couldn't take it anymore. I was ending up in ER's more often for drug induced panic attacks and in detox facilities. My life was really spiraling out of control. Right when I would get out of detox I would start drinking again. This was my senior year of high school and I was pissing it away, obviously not doing my online school my parents were paying hundreds of dollars for and was making a complete ass of myself in front of my peers. Getting kicked out of football games because I was severely intoxicated, trying to jump fences and threaten suicide, a lot of people stayed clear of me because I was so out of control. I took partying to a whole new level, I would cuss people out and parents didn't want me around their kids, I even got kicked out of a few graduation parties of close friends because I was full of drama...But back to October of 2004 the beginning of what my Senior year should have been I Took my boyfriends car one night drunk (wasn't the first time i drove drunk with no license) and a block away from his house I took the wrong turn and ran right into a tree. Totaled the car and so I ran out because I had a bottle in the car and had been drinking and driving all night and was piss drunk and i had burns all over from the airbag I thought i was bleeding so i freaked and found a safe place but the people were freaked out and ended up calling the police and I was then taken to jail and charged with my 1st DWI. I almost got charged with grand Theft but luckily his mom was nice enough not to file charges...

After that My parents took me back in and I had house arrest for 2 weeks and some fines. I continued to use meth and coke whenever I didn't have any meth. I even went to a few college parties when I had a few burns on my face from the DWI.. How embarrassing lol I mean nothing... and I mean NOTHING came in the way of me and partying.. obviously.. My parents caught me drinking in their home shortly after all this and called the cops I made a huge scene in the street through the bottle on the ground cussed the neighbors out and once again got put into detox.. Got out 2 days later and checked into another treatment facility for 30 days. still was in contact with my boyfriend (the same one that I smashed his car) I don't know how and why he was still talking to me... Talk about dysfunctional. I was put on yet another amphetamine called Concerta and then started taking Benzos heavily and this started my doctor and Urgent Care/ER Hoping. A few months later I stopped taking the A.D.H.D medication saw a few more psychiatrists and then Landed in Jail January 2005 for my 2nd DWI. I got another Ankle bracelet and alcohol monitor in my parents house, I was grounded too for a bit but would have friends drop booze and drugs off for me. So again my parents had enough and kicked me out I stayed with one of dealers for a few days. One day I had to run out after maybe a month or two because there were cops surrounding the apartment building and there was some sort of raid going on so I freaked and hitched a ride to my hometown and then found a friend to stay with so I lived with a few guys for like 3 months and it was fun I basically partied everyday used a lot of meth and I did have a job for a month so I had some income. I was making counterfeit money as well to support myself. I was so underweight that I would have dizzy spells and I never ate. I would stay up weeks at a time and literally note eat a thing so when I did work for that month it was hard because I sometimes had zero energy and almost fainted a few times.. I think the people at work knew they all seemed so concerned but no one said anything.. this was actually around the time when I had my first real DT's from alcohol. I dont remember much but some hallucinations and I was shaking and almost stopped breathing at one point, it was freaky..

So anyways...during this time  I drove my dealers friends moms van lol (ya.. random I know...) and I got my 3rd DWI I was on my way to see my other dealer and there was a crack in the windshield and I had meth and counterfeit money in the van too. Luckily I never got charged with those two but I did end up going to jail for 5 months for the 3rd DWI and It was a jail where you could work so I "worked" for my dad and I got to go home everyday and got 12 hour furloughs every sunday a few times I used meth but I would drink every sunday at 8 A.M. when they let me out those gates for 12 hours. I would hang out with my tweaker friend but this is where I met my kids dad... we started dating after we both got out, I think he got out like 2 weeks after me. I was staying with a tweaker friend and using meth really bad I was down to 115 pound and I am 5'8"... It was really gross I am normally 130-135 and thats even thin for me.. This particular boyfriend was the only one my parents still like, hes a good guy but struggles with addiction like me so that never works.. but we dated for a while and I was getting involved in a bunch of tweaker stuff and that lands me to the night I burglarized my dads barn...