Sunday, August 14, 2011

Danger Zone

So... me and a few tweaker friends broke into my dads barn and stole a bunch of equipment and pawned it all and bought a bunch of drugs and booze with that money.. I was doing absolutely nothing with my life.. I had no job.. I was stealing and selling shit for drugs and cigarettes and because I was a good looking girl that had all her teeth and wasn't completely ruined looks wise from drugs, guys would buy all my drugs and booze and that was also because they wanted to get in my pants and it worked... I became so reckless my Senior year with sex...It landed me in many bad situations and I was used over and over by men all over..One particular night I was date rapped by my coke dealers brother. I didn't really realize it till a few years later what had happened that night... I am shocked I was never murdered by some psycho I would walk the streets alone downtown spun out of my mind and people were getting shot days later right where I had walked. I mean I was just careless, I thought I was untouchable and I felt so powerful. I had some really psychotic breakdowns though during this time and abused pills really bad because of my anxiety and I drank on a daily basis so I could do more meth and keep the anxiety down. I had a fake id I was only 19 at the time and I would bar hop with the guy I was living with. He was actually the only guy that respected me and didn't torture me like other men. We had fun a lot of the time but  I had no worries, He paid for stuff and I tried to pull in money until I found out my parents were moving out of state... I started using more and became more suicidal, I didn't attempt to do anything but I was in such a meth haze and looked like complete shit and felt like complete shit that the day before they left I decided to go with and that brings me to January of 2006...