Monday, August 15, 2011

A Long and Winding Road

So We drove 3 days to our new house.. I detoxed and slept the whole way.. I remember getting here and being a little freaked out but excited at the same time. I actually had a period of mania after I quit meth, it was weird, it was almost like I was still high for two weeks after. I was still dating that guy I had met in jail... I started seeing psychiatrists down here and got back on pain meds and Benzos. A few months after we had moved my boyfriend at the time came down to visit and we drank that whole week  at our hotel and we also stayed with my oldest sister who didn't care if I used. 5 weeks later I felt a little funny and so I took a pregnancy test and sure as shit I was pregnant! I literally wanted to puke... I was in such shock I didn't know what to do. I didn't use during my pregnancy except the first night I found out I went out and got smashed.. I chose to put my son up fro adoption because I knew I wasn't ready and my boyfriend was not ready either... He was in a treatment facility for a year from his 4th DUI and I didn't have a safe place to live.. no job.. or car.. nothin so I felt it was right to give him a family who could provide everything for him that I couldn't. I picked a wonderful family and I am still close to them to this day, my adoption is really open so I am very happy with it and don't regret what I did at all. I felt really good while I was pregnant, I was sober and my whole lifestyle was changed.. It was a good thing. I gave birth to a 9 pound 1 ounce baby on February 19th 2007. I got to keep him for a week and then He left..

About a month later I started partying again.. Drinking and taking pills of course.. This was when my addiction really took off...I landed in the hospital  few more times during the summer for taking too many pills while drinking, a few more psych wards and more psychiatrists..