Monday, August 15, 2011

My Addiction 2010

                              I wrote this when I was a week clean from Heroin
                                                           MY ADDICTION

Year after year I wait for some sort of miracle to happen
While this crazy cycle just keeps getting worse
I think to myself, maybe someone will come out with some magic pill
To cure my addiction..
I sit and wait and try everything under the sun to help me stop

But who am I kidding, deep down it’s just an excuse to keep using
And it buys me more time to “have fun” and be free and it makes me feel better
But in reality this addiction has chained me to the ground
And has stripped all freedom from me

I think at times I am untouchable and that ill quit a month from now
That month comes and I say the same thing again
That is why this cycle never ends and hasn’t

It has taken my soul at times and has caused a lot of pain
Drugs and alcohol are an obsession for me
I dream about it, day dream about it and think about it any chance I can get
Even jail, institutions and near death hasn’t stopped me

I lie to everyone I care about
Manipulate anyone and everyone to get what I want
I will even steal knowing I might get caught
I don’t care about the consequences
or think about how this could affect me

At times its like there is someone in my head but its not me
Its almost like something takes over me at times and
I am a completely different person
Its frightening and terrifies some people
I have lost many friends because I get so out of control

Drugs have givin me courage and hope
It has been the only thing Ive had when ive been really low
Its never failed to be right there by my side
We have been through a lot together
The thought of never using again is scary
Drugs have even helped me come out of my shell
But little did I know it was only a matter of time before it would destroy me
And tear me to the ground and strip all of my confidence and take away all of the fun
That’s how it tricks you, you start off so high up there to only get thrown down to the ground

Its hard because its not like heroin comes in a pill bottle with the side effects on it
And im not talking about the physical side effects
The side effects where you lose your family
Your job, your house and everything that is important to you
But its so easy to think “that wont happen to me” but in time it usually does
If your in the game long enough

I have been so dependent on them I am scared of the unknown
I am scared of how I will cope with certain things

But damn it I have had enough
Enough heart ache
Enough pain
Enough suffering
Enough drama
Its time to put a stop to this madness
Its time to start listening to people
And its time to put more god in my life

I am worth more than a pill or a bottle of wine
Deep down I know that now is my time
Or I may not be alive…